Snappy answers to not-so-stupid questions

The Yolk’s on Me
Remember Mad Magazine’s “Snappy Answers to Stupid Questions”?
It was a regular feature — later milked for about a half-dozen paperback books — in which a number of witty retorts were listed for stupid questions. It was written and illustrated by Al Jaffee.
Snappy Answers was always fun to read and it was even more fun to come up with a few zingers of your own.
A real life stupid question scenario presented itself to me when I was a young teenager visiting a sick relative at St. John’s Hospital on Cleveland’s West Side. I was in an elevator with a few friends. The car on the second floor, the doors opened and a woman looked at us and asked, “Does this elevator go up?”
“No, lady,” I replied. “It goes sideways.”
She was too embarrased to get in and people inside the car were still chortling when the doors closed.
In retrospect, that might not have been such a stupid question. I was at the Tampa International Airport Monday and asked a TSA agent for directions to the car rental offfices. He told me to take the elevator to the first floor and I’d find the rental offices opposite baggage claim.
So, I waited for what I thought was an elevator to take me down to the first level. I got in and noticed it was extraordinarily wide — so wide, in fact, that it needed two sets of doors. The doors closed and, sure enough, the “elevator” did go sideways.
It turned out to be an automated people mover to shuttle passengers from the airline gates to the main concourse.
Looks like the lady at St. John’s Hospital got the last laugh.

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