Algonquin Canoe Trip Journal — Part Nine
Steve, left, sorting out and identifying the flora on Penn Lake.
Early in the trip I mentioned to Ken that I once went canoe camping in Ohio with an improvisational comedy troupe. We knew just about every joke there was, so we’d sit around the campfire telling punchlines.
“Oh, that’s nothing,” Ken responded, not being one to brag. “We know the jokes so well, we’ve assigned them numbers and we sit around the campfire calling out numbers.”
There was plenty of humor on our trip, almost as much as there was rain. After we got tired of sitting around the campfire calling out numbers and laughing at the good ones, we started making up jokes of our own.
Since Ken had gone through the trouble of making a pair of puppets out of moose scapulae, I thought I’d make myself useful and write a little script for them.
Be advised that it contains a lot of inside jokes from the canoe trip so you might not get all the references. If not, just assign them a number and ask me about them later.
Here it is:
In the big ending, Dog created the heavens and the earth.
On the first day, He rested because He was dyslexic and did everything bass ackwards, which you can say on the radio.
On the second day, He created man. Realizing His mistake, He immediately improved upon his design and created woman.
Man suggested to Dog that, since there are seven wandering bodies in the heavens, why not have seven days in the a week?
Dog became frustrated with man’s ignorance because anyone could plainly see that, including the Earth, there were eight wandering bodies in the heavens.
In the remaining five days of the week — or six, depending on who you believe — Dog created the flora and the beasts of the field.
Then he created Steve to sort them all out and figure out what they were.
Finally, He — Dog, not Steve — took the bone from the beasts of the field and created Clyde and Gale Scapula. That’s “Clyde” with a “C.”
And He saw that it was good, but not good enough. So he created Ken to improve upon it.
Ken: (To Clyde and Gale) And that, my little friends, is how you were created.
Clyde: How do you know all this?
Ken: Because Irv wrote it all down in his journal, and he’s a journalist.
Clyde: And you believe him?
Gale: Yeah, those guys never get anything right.
Ken: I’ll have you know that Irv spent 14 years studying at Cuyahoga Community College.
Gale: And he still spells “College” with a “K.”